Embracing Your Sensuality: Nora Jo's Guide to a Sex-Positive New Year

Hey y’all! Nora Jo here, back from holiday and ready to help you kick off your year with self-love practices and intimacy tips to help you live the sex-positive lifestyle you deserve.

Maybe you’ve decided to focus your New Year’s resolutions around sexual and sensual empowerment as part of a personal growth journey, or you’re trying to boost your confidence in matters involving sexuality and body positivity. Regardless of what your motivations are, you can make 2024 your year for embracing sexual wellbeing!

FAQs: Your Questions About Sex-Positivity Answered

What is sex positivity?

Sex positivity is a concept centred around the idea that consensual, safe sex can be a good thing in one’s life, and aims to replace shame and judgement about sexuality and gender expressions with respect, pleasure, and freedom — after all, nobody deserves to be shamed for their sensuality, right?

Sex positivity is a way for all humans to celebrate their connection to other people and confidence in their own sexuality! It values consent, communication, inclusivity, and education that lets people make informed choices about their bodies and pleasure, including in regard to their sexual healthcare. It’s an all-round net-good system that puts the individual in charge of their own pleasure — what’s not to like? 😍

Is sex positivity different from sexual pleasure?

Yes, though there’s a solid overlap between the two concepts. Sexual pleasure is about the physical and/or psychological enjoyment you get from having erotic experiences, thoughts, and fantasies.

Sex positivity also is not:

• Simply enjoying sex — if only it were that simple! It is possible (and sadly common) for people who like having sex to still carry shame and stigmatise others who have different ways of engaging with sex.
• Believing that everyone should have sex and enjoy it — people are allowed to decide how they want to make sex a part of their lives, and if they choose not to at all, that’s okay! Their reasons are valid and deserve the same level of respect as anyone else’s decision to have sex. You can be sex-positive without having sex!
• Being hypersexual with no boundaries — similar to the first point, having lots of sex and enjoying it does not necessarily indicate an accepting, sex-positive attitude, and having no boundaries does not mean that others do not have boundaries that need to be respected.
• Sexually objectifying others — sex positivity is about consent and informed choices for all parties involved, and turning everyone into a sexual conquest or object of one’s desire is generally not considered a positive way to express sensuality.
• Having an uncomplicated relationship with sex — sex positivity goes beyond casual indifference or fair-weather acceptance. It’s about understanding that it’s not always as simple as saying “it is what it is” in response to sex negativity, and actively exploring what influences one’s attitudes towards sex and working towards establishing positive ones.

Is ‘sex negativity’ a thing?

Yes, it is. Sex negativity considers sex and sexuality from fearful and sometimes oppressive angles, such as assuming that human sexuality is dirty, dangerous, or unnatural. This is often directed more heavily towards queer and kinky sexual practices.

Sex negativity is so common that it’s likely that you’ve already experienced or even unknowingly been a part of it, but don’t take it personally — it’s not always down to the individual. A lot of the time it’s just the way society conditions us to think about sex, particularly in aggressively conservative or evangelical settings. You might have seen sex negativity in things like:

• people being told off for wearing revealing clothing (especially girls and women)
• slut-shaming and victim-blaming
• discrimination towards sex workers
• abstinence-only sex education and/or sex education that only focuses on reproduction
• social media/content platforms shadow-banning sex educators

Not only is sex negativity a harmful way to think about sex for others, but it’s also harmful to yourself as it interferes with a natural, pleasurable part of life, undermines everyone’s confidence in sexuality- and body-positivity efforts, and just generally makes your life more miserable than it needs to be 🤷

What are some traits of sex-positive people?

If you’re looking to develop a sex-positive perspective within yourself, these are some qualities to strive towards:

• Sex-positive people are able to discuss sex without shame or awkwardness and don’t consider it a taboo topic.
• They aren’t afraid to ask questions in order to understand more about the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of sexual activity.
• They accept others’ sexual practices (or lack thereof) with an inclusive and non-judgemental mindset as long as everyone involved consents to it and feels safe. What’s strange to one person may be perfectly normal to another, and it’s important not to make other people feel lesser for not following the same sex practices as everyone else. You don’t need to be interested in participating in any of these practices to be sex-positive, just accepting!
• They understand the importance of safe sex, including emotional and psychological safety. This can involve supporting those with sexual dysfunctions and survivors of sexual trauma or abuse.
• They believe sex is a natural part of being human and should be enjoyed by those who want to engage with it.
• They make an ongoing commitment to actively pursue self-growth in sex positivity, including educating themselves and speaking up when others use sex-negative language.

Overcoming Common Barriers to a Sex-Positive Life

Sex education and how it’s delivered can be a significant influence on attitudes towards sex, either positively or negatively. I myself had quite a sheltered upbringing with parents who almost certainly received very little and extremely restrictive sex education in their own lives. As such, they were desperate to avoid the torture of:

1. teaching me about what they considered to be one of the most awkward parts of life
2. doing so with what was undoubtedly outdated and incomplete information, and…
3. trying to do it all through a language barrier.
   
   

My folks were beyond relieved when I let them know that school had already taken care of ‘The Talk’ for them, and their reaction alone told me that it would be useless to tell them that I didn’t think school had done a very good job of it. The gender-segregated school I attended as a preteen was non-theistic on paper but had strong religious undertones, and so, my introduction to sex education was largely based around shame and secrecy, with emphasis on following strict paths of either abstinence or purposeful reproduction.

Of course, as someone who now works for an adult pleasure company and deals with sex toys of all sorts on the daily, sex-positivity kinda comes with the territory. However, I’m not going to pretend like I was some paragon of sex positivity when I started working at Sexyland 3 years ago. There have been a lot of sex toys and sexual phenomena I’ve learned about on the job that have encouraged me to open my mind further to the possibilities of what sexual pleasure can be. I also acknowledge that for some others, sexual exploration can be a taboo topic, especially across the vast spectrum of different sexual practices, beliefs, and experiences that people have had.

If you’re struggling to open yourself up to conversations about sex, either with loved ones or just yourself, remember that the goal of these discussions should be to understand one’s feelings and beliefs, and not necessarily to change them. Approach the topic with sensitivity, vulnerability, and compassion. Keep a kind and open mind, and try your best to let go of defensiveness and judgement as you delve into your sex positivity journey. Don’t be afraid to challenge prejudices, stereotypes, and the labels we’ve learned to put on others. Ask yourself why you react negatively or shy away from certain sexual concepts, as well as where that discomfort comes from and what steps you need to take to move past those feelings.

How can I incorporate sex toys into my journey towards a sex-positive lifestyle?

Start by figuring out what you want to get out of using a sex toy. What sensations do you want to feel? What parts of your body do you want to stimulate? Do you want to use your toy with a partner or on your own? For tailored advice on the matter, chat with one of Sexyland’s Fun Specialists online or at one of our adult stores, or check out last week’s blog article on picking a beginner-friendly toy! You can also read our collaborative articles with sexologist Dr Lurve about self-love, exploring sexual fantasies, and incorporating sex toys into the bedroom.

Nora Jo's Must-Try Products for a Sex-Positive 2024

• The Womanizer™ Wave — this 2-in-1 shower head and clitoral massager is the height of beginner-friendly for people with vulvas. You don’t even have to use it as a sex toy if you’re just easing yourself in!
• The Fleshlight® Quickshot™ Vantage — for people with penises who like stroking sensations but don’t want to encompass their whole penis inside something, this compact masturbator is the perfect sex toy for you.
• The Neon® Vibes Pleasure Vibe — finger vibrators like this one are gender-neutral to suit everyone and super easy to use. Just slip it over your finger and point it where you want to feel the pleasure!

Wishing you all the best as you dive into a new, sex-positive year!

NJ xx