I gently guided her to breathe more deeply and brought awareness to the tension she was holding at the opening to her vaginal canal. As a body-based Sexologist I have the opportunity to educate people about their vaginal health.

I help women with pain learn how to work with tight muscles that sabotage their ability to enjoy pleasurable sex. I often educate them to use dilators. We may start with a NON-VIBRATING DILATOR KIT to increase the ability to gain awareness of the tension they are holding in their muscles.

Sometimes however, a VIBRATING DILATOR KIT can aid in deeper relaxation of the muscles due to the vibrating of the muscular tissue. Vibration can bring about relaxation when used in combination with awareness and slow pacing.

You never want to push the body past what it can handle. Doing that only reinforces the pain and the thoughts that you are broken.

In the case of my client, we started with just breath and awareness. Because she was uncomfortable with the idea of using fingers and the sensation of vibration helped her to relax more, we opted for graduating to a vibrating dilator kit.

We started with the smallest size just allowing her muscles to “take in” instead of being penetrated. I instructed her to turn on the vibration,  hold the dilator at the entrance to her vaginal canal and deeply breathe.

It’s important to let go of the goal and instead be in awareness. What comes up? Do you feel afraid? Do you get tense? Just notice, there is no right or wrong. Then I instructed her to simply squeeze and release her muscles while holding the dilator and giving either small circular massage or just a little bit of pressure.

Using this technique she was able to relax more fully and start to associate pleasure instead of pain to this part of her body.

Given time and staying in a state of exploration with the dilators she was able to get so relaxed that she could eventually achieve penetration without pain! And even more she felt pleasure.

Remember that you may have to experiment a bit, and biggest advice – don’t give up. You aren’t broken, just need to keep exploring.