5 Safety Practices for the Best BDSM Play

With BDSM becoming more mainstream thanks to popular media exposure, it’s no wonder that people are curious about it! BDSM is a great way to spice it up and add thrilling new ways to play in the bedroom, but as with all things sex, safe practices are essential to have in place to keep everyone comfortable, healthy, and happy. Sexyland has always been an advocate for exploring one’s pleasure in whatever form it may take on, and we’re here to help you fulfil your desires in a safe, responsible, and consensual way!

What is BDSM & what are some common BDSM practices?

BDSM is an umbrella term that refers to a spectrum of sexual behaviours and preferences that can be divided into three main groups:

• Bondage & Discipline — this category includes restraint play (being tied up, cuffed, the Japanese art of shibari, etc.), edging or orgasm denial, and impact play (spanking, flogging, caning, etc.). There can also be a ‘training’ element to the acts, as well as rewards and punishment for obedience or disobedience accordingly, such as spanking or being gagged.
  
  
• Domination & Submission — this involves one partner being subservient to the other, which can take many forms, both sexual and non-sexual. For example, a submissive or slave may enjoy carrying out domestic household duties for their Dominant. It’s possible to enjoy being both dominant and submissive at different times or with different partners, which is known as being a ‘switch’.

• Sadism & Masochism — this category involves one person (the sadist) enjoying inflicting pain (physical and/or emotional) on the other (the masochist), who gains an exciting rush or sense of ‘release’ from it. Humiliation and degradation can also be associated with this category, though you can also skip these aspects if one or both partners isn’t interested.

There’s often crossover between categories, but generally, BDSM centres around a consensual power exchange within an intimate context, though BDSM doesn’t have to necessarily involve sex — the mental stimulation of some acts can be the part that turns people on, such as roleplaying for fantasy fulfilment, or the liberating feeling of ‘surrender’ that one can experience through letting go of control. There are also plenty of different BDSM tools and fetish sex toys that you can use to spice up and facilitate various types of kinky play. For inspiration and advice on how to use them, don’t hesitate to reach out to the Sexyland Fun Specialists and ask what BDSM toys best suit you and the fantasy you want to bring to life!

How to practise BDSM safely

There are several systems or ‘checklists’ that everyone, from newbies to the most experienced kinksters, can follow in order to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves and not getting hurt (outside of what they have consented to). 

The main three BDSM checklist systems are:

• SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) — this is the original system that asks three questions:

1. Safe — is what I’m about to do safe?
2. Sane — is it a rational thing to do?
3. Consensual — does everyone involved in the scene actively consent to be part of it (as in, they have explicitly given their enthusiastic consent and not just implied it)?

• RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) — this system was created as a response to members of the kink community who felt SSC was too vague — after all, one person’s ‘sane’ could be another’s ‘totally irrational’. RACK lays everything out in a checklist that’s more specific:

1. Risk-Aware — are you aware of the risks involved in what you are about to do? Can you name the risks? What strategies do you have in place to prevent or avoid them?
2. Consensual — does everyone actively consent to what’s about to happen/is currently happening? Is everybody able to affirm consent from their partner/s when necessary?
3. Kink — do you understand exactly what event/activity is about to take place in the scene?

• PRICK (Personal Responsibility, Informed, Consensual Kink) — this system came about to remind all BDSM players that taking personal responsibility for yourself and being informed is the only way to have truly consensual kink. After all, saying ‘yes’ to something you don’t fully understand is not consent.

1. Personal Responsibility — are you ready to accept the responsibility and consequences of what you’re about to do?
2. Informed — do you understand what you are about to do to someone or have done to you? What are the risks?
3. Consensual Kink — if you can demonstrate adherence to the above two principles, do you and the rest of the people involved in the act give active consent, knowing exactly what you’re about to get yourselves into?

Whichever system you end up subscribing to, don’t think of consent as something to get out of the way before getting to ‘the good stuff’. Such desires and expectations can be an exciting way to build anticipation and connect deeply before play starts, as well as get a much better idea of how to please each other! It’s also important to 

Setting limits during BDSM play

Before play begins, it’s important that everybody gets the opportunity to tell each other what their limits are, if they have any. There are several different types of limits that the kink community recognises, including:

• Soft limits — a soft limit is something that a person is cautious or hesitant about, or has strict conditions around it being performed, but that they may still consent to. For example, someone may be curious about nipple clamps while also being apprehensive about the discomfort they could cause.
• Hard limits — a hard limit is something that must not be done under any circumstances at the risk of causing the limit-holder emotional and/or physical distress beyond what they have consented to. For example, someone who has a leg injury may place a hard limit on any impact or restraint play involving their legs.
• Requirement limits — a requirement limit, or a ‘must-limit’, is something that needs to be involved. Otherwise, one or more partners will not participate in the scene. For example, someone could specify that they require hair-based aftercare, like a scalp massage and brushing after any sort of hair-pulling, or that they only want to be called a certain name during play.
• Time limits — a time limit is a set time period for which an activity or temporary relationship takes place. This is most common for scenes and casual play, though some partners use them to set time limits on phases of relationships, such as training or consideration, before deciding if they want to progress to the next level of serious intimacy. For example, a Dominant may tell a submissive that they require a 6-week training period before committing to a long-term arrangement, or a submissive insisting that flogging sessions last no longer than 20 minutes..

Regardless of how serious the relationship is between the players, it’s good practice for partners to reassure each other that their limits are acknowledged and that there will be no negative outcomes for saying the safe word (a spoken phrase or non-verbal signal that partners have to indicate they want to pause or stop play) at any point. It’s also an opportunity to practise healthy communication by thanking each other for placing their trust in them.

The importance of & how to provide aftercare

Aftercare is widely considered a non-negotiable post-play activity within the kink community and is particularly critical if the scene was physically and/or emotionally intense. After BDSM play, it’s important to engage in aftercare to provide a positive, comforting presence for each other and give the scene closure before returning to ‘real life’ outside of the kinky fun. All partners remove themselves from the scene and the headspace associated with it, and drop any personality traits or characters they only take on during play. Aftercare can be an opportunity to reaffirm consent and boundaries, discuss what you did and didn’t like about the scene, and compliment each other’s performance. In addition to emotional care, there can also be physical care acts, such as cuddling, kissing, massaging sore spots (such as wherever ropes have dug in or where a riding crop impacted particularly frequently), or getting each other food and water.

With all this in mind, if you ever feel out of your depth, you can always ask one of Sexyland’s knowledgeable Fun Specialists for tailored advice on how to live out your fantasy BDSM lifestyle in a safe and pleasurable way. We’re always available to talk in Sexyland’s adult stores or via our Live Chat when shopping online.